Most years, Shawn will ask me what I want for Mother’s Day, and I will respond with my usual, “I don’t know…let me think about it.”  Which I never will, and then he’s left to come up with something on his own.  This year, when Shawn asked me what I wanted, I told him, without hesitation, “I want you to help me plant a garden.”  And he was all for it. 

Yesterday, we got the kids ready and headed over to the Farmer’s Market to hunt for plants. (Connor was riding his scooter down the sidewalk while he waited for us). 

After much deliberation, and after chatting with a helpful woman at the Farmer’s Market, we picked out buttercrunch lettuce, yellow tomatoes, red tomatoes,cherry tomatoes, green and yellow bell peppers, leeks, and onions.  Then we went and got flowers to plant in the partial sun area of our yard.  We got lillies, columbines, and a type of daisy. 

But, choosing plants was only the beginning of the work that had to be done.   See, to begin with, our yard looked like this:

 (The partial sun side of the house)

The full-sun side of the house, was just a big, open rectangle of yard, and Shawn had to hand-turn the soil. 

My sweet husband, in an effort to give me a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend, worked almost nine hours yesterday turning soil, pulling out ferns and bushes, all while battling massive allergies and a sore shoulder.  Because he’s awesome like that. 

The kids could not have loved being outside more.  They had a blast running and rolling in the grass. 

And Connor even convinced Daddy to let him help a little.

And when they were all done, we had a beautiful garden…

And some lovely plants that will grow into beautiful flowers before summer’s end…

And today, I feel very lucky to have such a wonderful husband who will work so hard to make sure I feel loved and appreciated, and I feel lucky to have three wonderful, beautiful children who make me feel lucky to be a mom everyday.

 

My amazing, wise, beautiful boy turns six today.  Watching you go from a tiny, adorable infant who had the biggest nostrils I’d ever seen on a baby, to a curious, intelligent, imaginative boy has been the greatest experience of my life.  You have become exactly the child I’d hoped you would.  You are caring and loving, and hilarious, and compassionate.  You care and worry more about other people’s feelings more than any little boy should.  You are a wonderful big brother who tolerates and teaches, and loves his siblings more than anything else in the world.  You are obsessed with Star Wars and Harry Potter and Xbox 360, and you love spending your evenings watching Avatar in your room with Daddy.  You make me want to be a better mom, and you make me so proud every day.  Happy Birthday Lovey!  Thanks for making me a mommy.

Our homeschool aid from the school came out on the 17th of March, and while she was here, I filled out the paperwork to register Connor for FIRST GRADE!!  I cannot believe he’ll be in first grade!  His sixthbirthday is coming up at the end of this month, and I can hardly believe I am about to be the mother of a six year old!  Six seems so…not babyish anymore! 

I’ve been doing lots of thinking about motherhood lately.  I had a funny moment the other day…I was making the kids lunch: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and bananas.  I had three plates lined up on the counter:  Connor’s sandwich was made from two pieces of bread, and then cut in half (rectangles; not triangles!) and his banana was hole.  Autumn had one piece of bread, folded over and cut in half, and half a banana cut into three bigh chunks.  Then Aiden’splate had one piece of bread folded over and cut into small, bite-sized pieces and his half a banana was cut in half length-wise and then cut into bites.  It was just a funny symbol of the three different stages my three different kids are in.  And soon, I’ll have a dish mashed up banana in it to feed the fourth baby! 

My days are busy, and the older the kids get, the more fun I have being a mom.  I love the process of watching them become their own person, and develope their own interests.  I like having babies, but I’m the first to admit I love having toddlers and older kids much better. 

Connor has been going through a bit of a tough stage lately.  He’s been very arugumentative, and trying to get his cooperation for even the simplest tasks has been….well….let’s just stick withchallenging!  The tantrums and the tears…I would imagine it’s just a tiny preview of what puberty will be like!  After MANY days of observing and discussing, Shawn and I felt like nearly every problem was a result of Connor being overly tired.  He’d had a rough few weeks as far as sleep went; going to bed after eleven, and getting up before seven-thirty.  He was clearly not getting nearly the sleep he needed.  So, we sat down with him and had a discussion about the way things were going.  We came to the compromise that he would go to bed at nine o’clock every night, except Wednesdays, when he could stay up until eleven o’clock.  Wednesday nights are our family night.  We make a fun dinner and a yummy treat, then after the babies go to bed at seven, we watch LOST and Ghost Hunters, and have the treat we made earlier. 

As a part of our compromise, Shawn and I agreed that we would spend an afternoon and really deep clean the upstairs for Connor.  The way our house is set up, we have the main living area plus two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and the playroom, on the first floor, and then two bedrooms upstairs.  On the main floor, Shawn and I have our bedroom, then Autumn is in the nursery that is connected to our room.  Recently we moved Aidenfrom our room to the playroom, which is now working as his temporary bedroom until we move him into the nursery with Autumn. 

And the upstairs is all Connor’s.  He has his bedroom, and the the other bedroom is set up as a playroom/media room with a few toys, a tv, dvd player, xbox, hundreds of books, and two comfy recliner chairs.  And he?  TRASHED both rooms.  I mean…trashed.  Filthy.  Disgusting.  And we?  Have to take the blame for letting it get so out of hand!  We hardly ever go up there.  He usually takes himself to bed, and there isn’t really any reason for us to go upstairs.  Except…we should have.  We really, really should have.  Because it took us two thirteen-gallon trash bags, an apple box full of dirty dishes, a good two loads of laundry, almost an entire vacuum cleaner container of blech sucked up from the carpet, and two-and-a-half hours on a Saturday afternoon to get the upstairs clean.  But…clean it is.  Spotless even.  And now?  Before Connor goes to bed?  We take 15 minutes and make sure it STAYS picked up.  Because the rest of my house is pretty freakin’ clean all.the.time.  And the upstairs was like….I don’t even have a good analogy.  It was like the upstairs was my “Monica’s closet” from Friends.  Remember that episode?   But, it’s clean now.  And Connor is getting more, restful sleep in his newly cleaned room.  And I no longer have to worry that other children will disappear during play dates if they follow Connor upstairs! 

Autumn and Aiden are doing great.  I mentioned earlier that we moved Aiden into the playroom.  He’s been sleeping in our room for the last 14 months.  Sleeping either in our bed, or in a bed side-carring our bed.  But the poor thing was getting woken up several times a night.  He’d wake up when we came to bed, and when Shawn’s alarm went off, or when Autumn called out in the middle of the night.  And more recently, every time I’d get up to throw up or take my perscription in the middle of the night.  He was waking up between two and four times a night.  And it was taking him AGES to fall back to sleep.  And then he was waking up to stay by six o’clock every morning.  We were all exhausted.  The poor thing would sit in his high chair and suck his thumb through breakfast, and barely make it to nap time at eleven!  So, we made the very difficult decision to move him into the playroom.  Which is literally three feet from our bedroom door….but I cried anyway! 

The first night he went to bed at seven, (with no tears, except for Mommy’s!)  and slept until 3:30.  He woke up, and Shawn went in, and it took about 45 minutes to get him back to sleep.  Then the next night…he slept from seven p.m. until seven-thirty a.m.!!!!!!!   And EVERY NIGHT since then, he has slept the entire glorious night through!  I have waited fourteen long months to get more than three consecutive hours of sleep, and now I am in heaven!  I look forward to going to bed now, instead of dreading how long the night will be!  And Aiden is so happy and playful, and is clearly so much better rested during the day! 

Autumn is….well….I don’t really have one word to describe Autumn!  She’s hilarious and loving, and naughty and thoughtful.  She will be Connor’s best friend one minute, and then literally be biting his arm in the next.  She’ll be running and laughing with the boys, and then be screaming at them and trying to take their toys!  She’s found a new love for drawing the past week or so.  It’s hilarious to watch her.  She has a big sketch pad, and she’ll take a pen and tilt her head way to the side and stick out her tongue and draw.  She’s very focused, and very deliberate with every line she makes.  It still comes out looking like two year old scribble, but according to her it’s a blanket or a bottle, or her brother.  Shawn and I are amazed at how intensely she concentrates.  We may have a little artist on our hands! 

Anyway…this update is turning into a novel!  My midwife came yesterday for my first appointment, and everything looks good so far.  I can’t believe we’re only 12 weeks into this!  I feel like I’ve been pregnant for years!  And well…basically I have!  But, I’m loving being a mom.  Even on the challenging days.  Even when I’m so sick from hyperemesis I can’t get off the couch.  Even when it looks like nothing but mass chaos from the outside.  It’s our chaos!

Dear Connor,
I love you, you smart, amazing, charming boy.  But if you don’t stop jumping out from behind doors, and from dark hallways, and from beside the couch, to scare the crap out of you sister, I’m going to lose my crap on you.  I realize that you find her screaming at the top of her lungs and then running away crying to be funny, but unless you find ME screaming at YOU at the top of MY lungs to be funny, you need to knock it the fuck off.   And also?  No matter how many times you ask/scream/demand that we move your bedroom into the playroom…it’s not going to happen.  That room is for EVERYONE.  So please, take the suitcase of clothes and toys BACK to your bedroom. 
Thanks lovey!
Mom

Dear Autumn,
For the love of all that is holy…PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!  This “I love to be naked” phase needs to stop right.now.  If you would leave your diaper on, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  But since you insist on taking your diaper off, whether it’s full of poo or not….It needs to stop.  Or else, I’m going to consider duct-taping your diaper closed.  Mommy cleans up enough poo from the dog.  And one more thing? Please stop throwing random things in the trash.  I’m tired of digging through gross diapers and banana peels to fish out your sippy cup.  It goes in the SINK, not the TRASH.  Please learn the difference!
Thanks honey!
Mommy

Dear Aiden,
My sweet, sweet baby, who has finally started sleeping through the night….I am so sorry that you hurt your head today when I sat you down on the floor after you were trying to push the power button on the t.v.   But honey?  That’s what happens when you have a tantrum and throw yourself backwards.  The hardwood floors are very unforgiving.  Sorry about that.  Mama wasn’t expecting you to tantrum already, or I would have sat you somewhere safer.  Apparently your sister has taught you well.   Oh, and just an FYI??  Mama’s hair is ATTACHED.  No matter how hard you pull….it’s not coming off.  Sorry ’bout that. 
Thanks boobers!
Mama

Dear Little Fetus,
Mama REALLY wants chili with potato fries tomorrow.  With onion, and peppers, and the whole bit.  Please, Please, let me keep it down.  Not that I don’t love bananas and applesauce and plain pasta with butter…but Mama could REALLY go for some food with FLAVOR.  So…you’ve had some advanced warning.  It’s coming.  Do what you can to keep from pushing it back up, would ya? 
Thanks so much
Mama (That lady whose stomach you hold the keys to)

Connor spent about a half an hour yesterday teaching himself how to do a cartwheel.  When he began, he could was mostly belly-flopping and then rolling sort of somersault style.  But then, he got to the point where he could get his feet over his head, but then he’d land on his butt, and a few times, he narrowly missed smashing into the wall. 

He’d stand beside the table saying, “Hand, hand, feet, feet,” to himself before every try.  After much persistance, he was able to accomplish just that.  The look on his face when he realized he’d completed the flip without landing in a pile on the floor, was PRICELESS.  His eyes got so big, and he looked at me and gasped and then yelled, “OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE ME??  I DID IT!  I ACTUALLY DID A CARTWHEEL!!” 

Autumn was trying to get in on the fun, and she’d yell, “My turn! My turn!”  And run to where Connor had been standing and she’d put her hands way above her head and then drop to the floor and walk a few steps, sort of Mowgli-from-Jungle-Book style, and then jump up and yell, “Ta Da!!”

When Shawn got home he insisted on teaching Shawn how to do them.  “Watch and learn, Dad, Watch and learn,” he kept saying.  Watching Shawn do cartwheels in the living room with Connor was probably the best way I’ve spent a Friday afternoon in a long time! 

My son is obsessed with Star Wars.  As in, every conversation, show, game, pretend play, etc. completely revolve around Star Wars.  His father is very proud. 

Yesterday he came downstairs after he woke up wearing his snow pants, boots, rain parka, and beanie because he was “going to save Luke and Leah in the East, and it’s very, very cold there.” 

He loves the Clone Wars cartoons on Cartoon Network, and he and Dad have “man time” on Friday nights so they can watch together. 

He spent a good 45 minutes in the kitchen the other morning choreographing light saber fights with his “friend for pretend” Obi Wan, who was teaching him and giving him blocking tips.  Then, when Shawn got home that night, he spent some time teaching Shawn to do the moves he had learned that morning, and they had a very involved light saber fight before dinner. 

The last few nights, he’s been up until nearly midnight working on his Lego Star Wars Xbox 360 game.  He was trying to unlock the Boba Fett character, which took 175,000 points.  He had gotten enough points during the babies’ nap time the other day, but didn’t realize you had to finish the level completely for it to save the points, and when he exited too early, he lost all the points he had collected.  I felt so bad for him, and was like, “Aww, Con, I’m so sorry that happened!  I didn’t know you had to save it either.”  To which he replied….”Mom…it’s fine.  Don’t feel bad. It’s just a game. I can do it again later!”  Clearly, he is emotionally more mature than I am!

And sure enough, that night, he stayed up late and managed to earn Boba Fett just before midnight.  He asked me if I could look online and find him a Boba Fett costume to wear, because he thinks it’s pretty awesome.  I told him I’d see what I could find, and when Shawn got home from work, he was asking Shawn about it, and Shawn told him he thought he could actually make him one.  Connor was a little disappointed to discover that costume would NOT include the super awesome jet-pack.

Connor and I were discussing “adulthood” the other day, and sort of the normal progression of things.  Lately he’s been fixated on what will happen when he ‘grows up,’ and asks Shawn and I all kinds of questions about our pasts and our resulting adult lives.  When did we meet? Did we know each other when we were little kids?  Have we been married to other people? What kinds of jobs did we have in the past? 

He proclaimed quite awhile ago that he when he grew up he was going to live with us and was NEVER going to get a wife or a job ever.  When I asked him how he planned on paying for things, he replied, “Well…Dad has a job.  He pays for your things, so he can pay for my things too!”  Awesome.  Clearly I’m a shining example of feminism in action!

So, a couple of weeks ago, he was hanging out with Shawn and me in the kitchen, and we were all sort of bantering and pestering each other, and apparently we pushed Connor a little too far, because he suddenly became pretty irritated and stomped out of the kitchen growling at us, “If this is how you’re gonna be, maybe I WILL get a wife and a job someday!” 

But then Friday, we were all watching Ceaser Milan: The Dog Whisperer, and Connor was playing with Chloe, and declared that when he grows up he is going to be like Ceaser Milan, and be a Dog Whisperer, and he’s also going to be an animal doctor.  Then he informed us that we’ll need to clean the stuff out of the t.v. room upstairs so he can have an office to work in!

Hope and unity abound today. 
Peace awaits us. 

I’m often asked, “How’s school going for Connor?”  or “What kinds of things is Connor doing for school?”  and to be honest, I have a hard time answering these questions.  How is it going, is fairly simple, I suppose.  It’s going wonderfully.  What is he doing for school, on the other hand, gets a little more complicated.   For most of the people in our lives, we are their only exposure to unschoolers, and many of them have a hard time comprehending what it is we do everyday.  And I sometimes have a hard explaining what we do everyday, because everyday is different.  There is no “typical school day” here.  And the answer I would give would be much different than the answer Connor might give.  I’m hoping that this post will clear up, for those of  you who are unsure, what our philosophy is regarding learning, and how that translates over into our daily lives. 

When we began our homeschooling journey, I really had no idea that just six short months into it, this is where we would be.  I figured I would pick out a curriculum, set up a schedule, print off worksheets, etc.  I had fantasies about circle time where we would discuss the weather and sing a song, followed by story time and there would be worksheets, and craft time, and oh!  It would be better than any kindergarten class could ever hope to be! 

It took about 3.2 seconds for me to realize that was never going to work for our family!  It painted a pretty picture in my head, but the reality was, forcing him into a learning situation went against every fiber of my parenting/learning philosophy.  After all, a large part of the reason we decided to homeschool was to get away from institutionalized learning.  What was I expecting to accomplish if I was only recreating that environment at home? 

And that’s when I stumbled upon the philosophy of unschooling.  If you ask twenty people to define unschooling, you’ll probably get as many different replies.  So, let me try and explain what it means to us, and how exactly that translates to our everyday life. 

To me, unschooling at its core is a philosophy that says, “I trust my child’s natural curiosity to learn.”  Clearly that is vague and fairly basic, and I am certainly not an expert on unschooling after only a few months, but let me try and explain how I apply that philosophy to our daily lives. 

There is never a time during the day that I will say, “Come on Connor, it’s time to do math,”  or, “Come sit down so I can read to you.”  I feel that it’s my job to provide him with resources; books, t.v., games, toys, internet access, interesting people, etc.  But if and how he utilizes those resources is completely up to him.  I don’t limit or restrict access to any of them.  If he has a day (or a week) where he wants to play his new Xbox 360 game all day long, I don’t stop him.  I trust that in that moment, he is gaining something from that experience that he deems as positive.  I don’t try and sneak in “educational lessons” into his experience.  I don’t ask him if he’s completed 10 levels, and there are 15 levels to his game, how many levels are left to complete?  To me, that’s manipulative and unnatural.  He can enjoy his game, without me trying to convert every thing he’s doing into “education-ese.” 

Recently, he developed a fascination with magic tricks.  So we went to the library and we checked out several books that taught us how to do simple magic tricks, and we got a book about the life of Harry Houdini.  Not because I saw it as a way to sneak in a biography, but because Connor wanted to know about magicians who did “cool magic tricks” like he’d seen Chris Angel and David Blaine do on videos that his dad had showed him on YouTube.

He listens to stories from a great site online that allows you to download books for free, he plays games on Starfall, he watches movies, and plays with his play kitchen, he colors and paints, and loves to play with scrap fabric and sewing supplies.  He loves to be read to, and to play board games, and chase his sister, and put on puppet shows, and is anxiously awaiting the weather getting warmer so he can play outside.  He’s obsessed with Star Wars and loves staying up late every night watching the movies upstairs in the media room.  He loves to choreograph elaborate light saber fights, and can spend hours reading the manual to his Lego Star Wars Xbox 360 game, picking out exactly which characters should complete which missions. 

So, I suppose to us, unschooling is simply living.  I don’t worry about sneaking in lessons or educational opportunities, because they never fail to present themselves when you are living a full life.  I want Connor to grow up and look back on his childhood as a time that he was able to follow his passions, discover his own limits, and foster a genuine love for living.

A couple of weeks late…but here nonetheless…

We began 2008 by trekking through the snow in 20 degree weather; just days before I gave birth to Aiden, to Caucus for Barack Obama.  We spent that night standing in line to be counted, while corralling Autumn (a day away from her first birthday) and Connor (four-and-a-half, tired, and munching on fries from McDonalds).  We waited while Hillary supporters begged and pleaded for someone, anyone, to come over to their side…a side one vote away from viability.  But they ended the evening letdown, and we ended the evening watching Tim Russert and Keith Olberrman announce Obama’s victory, and felt hope for the first time, that for once our candidate might have a chance. 

The next day we celebrated Autumn’s first birthday.  My tiny girl has changed SO MUCH this year.  She’s walking, and saying new words everyday, and endlessly entertaining her brothers, who she loves more than anything.  Just fifteen short days after Autumn’s first birthday, I gave birth to Aiden; 7 pounds, 9 ounces.  He spent the first five hours of his life in the NICU, his first six months on Zantac for reflux, and his entire first year never sleeping, but always happy. 

The rest of January and all of February were spent in a post partum haze of diapers and pumping, and crying and learning to take care of two very small, very needy babies and a four year old with little to no outside help.  Finally, in late February, I was able to fall into a routine and Shawn could finally leave the house without me sobbing and clinging to him on his way out the door. 

In March we got Olly, an Australian Shepherd mix who seemed like a sweet, if not stubborn addition to the family.  Little did we know he’d turn out to be such an aggressive flesh eater!  March also saw our first trip to the ER with Aiden after an allergic reaction to Penicillin.  An intense round of thunderstorms began in March, and we found ourselves hiding in the bathroom on many occasions in the coming weeks.  

Connor turned five in April.  We had a combined birthday party for him and Shawn, complete with a fishing-themed cake.  Five meant it was time to begin thinking about school, which would be starting in the fall.  Despite my anxiety about public school, I had no idea at that point that we would even entertain the thought of homeschooling. 

May brought with it another terrible Mother’s Day.  Shawn and I spent the day fighting and then going to lunch with his friends.  We also found a new house in May, after our initial landlords got divorced, and put their house up for sale.  We quickly grew tired of cleaning frantically for last minute showings and open houses. 

Summer came, and brought with it a few big events.  We moved into our new house in June, and quickly settled in. We gave up some space and a lot of yard, but gained the peace of mind of a one-year lease.  In July, we made the decision to homeschool Connor after never being able to wrap our heads around public school and how to make it work for us.  In August, Aiden successfully made it through his hyposapdius repair surgery, much to our relief.  We also took Olly back to Amish country in August after he bit Shawn and scratched our landlord within the span of a week.  To ease the blow on the kids, we brought home Chloe, a tiny, adorable puggle, who, even though she has brought both fleas and worms to us, has been a great addition to the family. 

As an amazing end to our very busy summer, we watched Barack Obama accept the Democratic Party’s nomination for president.  We cheered, and cried, and felt legitimate American pride for the first time ever. 

We went through a bit of a rough patch at our house in the fall of 2008.  Shawn and I got into several nasty, drawn out fights, and I was just generally in an emotionally defeated place.  On top of that, after 9 months of continual mastitis, milk blisters, clogged ducts, and low supply issues, I made the difficult decision to wean Aiden.  I felt guilty and desperately wanted to continue, and my feelings on failing to provide for him only added to the emotional slump we were in. 

Things lightened some in November when, with much hope and celebration, we watched Barack Obama win the Presidential race.  Having participated in the historical election from the very beginning made the event extremely satisfying for us.   By mid-November, Shawn and I had worked through our rough patch, and came out of it with a renewed commitment to each other.  For the first time in the entirety of our marriage we found ourselves with common relationship and parenting goals and ideals. 

The year ended nicely for us with a quiet Christmas at home, just the five of us.  2008 was full of changes for us; a new baby, a new house, new ideals, and a new commitment to making our future together as fulfilling for us as it can be.